I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come on in and take your pants off
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