dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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