He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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