Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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