it was like his penis was on wheels.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
