there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
high people should be assigned attendants
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
