Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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