Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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