I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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