Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
