"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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