yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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