Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
