everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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