So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
