when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
