I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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