I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Randomize
