Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize