Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
