so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
