Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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