So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
