Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
