Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
