i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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