I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
