just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
