I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
