I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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