THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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