Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You took a bar mat shot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
