you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
