if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
