Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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