1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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