They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
