he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
