i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In America we eat man semen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize