Can i not drive my cunt home
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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