I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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