in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
