Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
