you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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