apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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