Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
