NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
