I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
