My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
