just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
