How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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