She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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