So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
