i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
