I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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