it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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