So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
