She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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