Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
