She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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