capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
