Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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