that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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