Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
