Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
