im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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