I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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