I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
