Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We left the knife in your bed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
