? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
