yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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